Ohsosweeeet: IDK

emmmm....well < that pretty much sums up how I feel currently. Not much has been happening really, just the usual daily routine...

Get up

Breakfast

Shower

Get dressed make-up ect..

Run for the bus

School

Home

Walk the dog

Dinner

Homework

Computer

Sleep

Also my weekend is pretty packed which is annoying as most if it is work... Working all of Saturday, friends coming before a party/gig in Peebles ( gaaayyy place ) Then I am working Sunday, which I can tell you now is going to be horrific...considering i have a bottle of wine and some vodka all for my self...:L

NUMB...

is the only word that can describe how i feel, I can't really look ahead or make active decisions cause theres a massive hurdle, like a lump in my throat, a constant thought......I dont feel low, or sad just frustrated, jealous, and hurt ( still). Florence and the machines lyrics " Feeling I'm in love, Seeing I'm in love, Feeling I'm in love" is one of the circulating thoughts causing my mind to be overpowered, my concentration is completely gone, no motivation. This is terrible and all because of one stupid kiss.

DAD

.....another worry, like i said he haas been feeling ill for months, undiagnosed with anything, making horrible scary thoughts creep in, cancer, blood problem, heart problem......the list goes on. The doctors have made hospital appointment for further check ups......one doctor ( who previously told my mum, who had a metal splinter under her nail that was excruciating , that it would ease out and just to sleep on it) told him it could be a sudden loss of adrenaline, from being up tight and stressed the years i was ill, and before that when building out extension, could now give him adrenaline low....which of course make me feel terribly guilty )

This picture is from summer, the bags were just starting to appear beneath his eyes......:(